No Matter What
by Mazmaraz
Summary: Accidents happen. There's no escaping that fact. But when you're the one responsible, when you're the one who could've prevented it...for a human, the guilt is just as inevitable. You are human, Heero.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters, just wish to torture them.  
  
No Matter What  
  
Gunshots whistled over the top of the table, thunking into the wall behind me.   
  
I glanced over at Heero who was crouched down behind the bench holding Quatre's head out of the oil spreading across the tiled floor. He indicated for me to make my way further back into the room and reached an arm around the bench to let off a couple of cover shots.  
  
Damn Quatre for being unconscious. We didn't have time for whatever drugs they'd administered to wear off and we didn't know whether Wu Fei was going to be lucid enough to lead us out. Heero, Trowa and I had just come off our own mission to discover the two of them had been captured, so we were running around a building we didn't know, trying to complete a mission we didn't have the specs for.   
  
Quatre had been easier to find as he was still above ground in the holding cells, but Wu Fei was about thirteen floors down and stuck somewhere in the walls. We'd only just managed to track him down and we'd been running around for hours. With no way to contact Trowa to let him know we were ok, we could only hope he didn't decide that we needed rescuing as well and come in after us.  
  
Dodging around the notice board set up in the middle of the room, I made my way towards the storage cupboard digging my lock pick tools out of my braid.  
  
Slipping through the door, I closed it behind me and immediately began prying the grate off the wall above the shelf.  
  
Pulling it away I was greeted with Wu Fei's sour expression a few feet down the tubing.  
  
I grinned.  
  
"Your humor is unjustified." he snapped irritably, wriggling further up the vent so he was no longer standing on his head. Despite his attitude though, he didn't look good. His hair had fallen out of it's elastic and it was matted together in some places from the blood that had run through it to drip onto the metal. Dust from crawling through the vents covered his face and the arm that he was using to hold himself up was covered in small burns and lacerations.  
  
A new round of gunfire started up below us as I struggled into the vent to reach past Wu Fei's head and lift the lattice free. Peeking out, I caught Heero's signal that the guards had been dealt with so I got ready to remove Wu Fei and get him down.   
  
"Leave it, Maxwell." he gritted as I tried lever him out.  
  
"Shut it Wu Fei, we came here to rescue you and that's exactly what we're going to do." He was obviously annoyed at himself for being caught in the first place. More so that he required our help to get him out.  
  
I pulled his hair into a rough pony tail to get it out of the way and removed the remains of his shirt, dropping it into the room below. Feeling my way between Wu Fei and the metal wall of the duct I discovered a protrusion lodged into his back just above his left shoulder blade.   
  
"Ok Wu-man, you really are stuck, but I'm blowed if I know how you managed it, especially since it hasn't damaged the rest of your shoulder. It looks more like..."  
  
"Impaled."  
  
"Yeah, you've got..."  
  
"Rod through my shoulder."  
  
"What? Shit! What possessed you to dive down an air duct when you had..."  
  
"I was escaping, idiot. Now stop blathering and get me down or remove yourself."  
  
The rod was caught front and back on the join where the vent became smaller and it took some manoeuvring and a good deal of pain on Wu Fei's part to twist him around and get him out. He was basically limp in my arms by the time I managed to lower him down to Heero.   
  
Wiping my hands on my trousers, I gripped the edges of the vent and dropped to the ground to help Heero wrap our shirts around Wu Fei's shoulder to prevent anymore bleeding.   
  
Dodging the benches and fallen soldiers, I pulled out my gun and did a quick sweep of the hallways before going back to pick up Quatre.  
  
"Wu Fei says to go right, three lefts, right again and we'll arrive at the stairs." Heero muttered as I hauled Quatre onto my shoulder.  
  
"Where do we go after that?"  
  
"We have to get up to level UG7 and round to the fire escape. There's an exit six floors up from there."  
  
The place was a lot quieter than one would expect for an OZ facility that knew it had at least four out of five Gundam pilots running around on the loose.  
  
We'd only had one encounter by the time we made it up to UG4 and that was some guy in a lab coat that couldn't even get the radio off his belt before we knocked him out.   
  
Arriving at the basement floor we easily managed to disable the fire door and get out into the lane way. It was only another hundred meters to the fence from there. Heero checked and double checked our surroundings and then insisted on doing an sweep of the area before letting us leave the cover of the building.  
  
I settled Quatre onto the ground next to Wu Fei, rolling my aching shoulder, glad for the brief respite before having to make the last run.   
  
Heero made it easily to the gatehouse and disabled the two guards, bringing Trowa back with him to help cart Wu Fei and Quatre.  
  
As I hauled Quatre onto my other shoulder, Trowa made a quick call to Sally before pulling out his gun to cover me as I ran towards the gatehouse. Five metres from the wall, gunshots rang out across the open area, echoing off the buildings. I flitted round the edge of the wall, dropping Quatre and pulling out my gun to create some cover fire.   
  
I could see Trowa hugging the shadows and picking off soldiers as he took the long way back round to the gate.  
  
Suddenly Heero came bursting from the alleyway, tearing across the cement with Wu Fei clutched to his chest. I stepped out from behind the wall to take out the soldiers suddenly appearing at window frames, ducking back down as soon as Heero whipped past me.   
  
A second later Trowa appeared, bending down to gather Quatre into his arms before leading the way up the street to a small, brown car parked a couple of blocks away.  
  
He handed Quatre to me and I belted him in as Trowa made his way round to the drivers side to start the car.  
  
Wu Fei woke up enough to question us about the mission and when we told him it'd failed he kept trying to get back out of the vehicle.  
  
He shook his head. "Have to finish it, building needs to be destroyed."  
  
He could barely form his words properly and I looked up at Heero as he paused on the other side of the car.  
  
"I have to get my Gundam, I'll blow it up with that." He said decisively.  
  
Wu Fei tried to protest but Heero slammed the door shut, reloaded his gun and slipped off into the night.  
  
"You don't understand...." He tried to get up again so I pulled him across my lap, readjusting the shirts around his shoulder.  
  
"Just lie down Wu-man." I wrapped the seatbelt over both of us as Trowa pulled onto the road and floored it.  
  
"...Gundam....the warnings...blow the..."   
  
"Heero'll handle it."   
  
He passed out again.  
  
We were two kilometers away when the explosion hit us. Trowa lost control of the vehicle as we were pushed onto the sidewalk and through the front window of a Mather's shoe store.  
  
I could hear the crackling and fizzing of electricity before the lights went out completely, the back bench and shelves of shoes illuminated by the one remaining headlight of our little brown car.  
  
I could hear Wu Fei breathing funny and quickly unbelted us to lay him flat on the back seat.  
  
Trowa was holding his head with one hand as he lent over the gearstick to prop Quatre's head back up and make sure he was ok.  
  
I forced the car door open and stepped out, glass and debris crunching beneath my feet as I stumbled towards the exit and out onto the road.  
  
It was black. The streetlights were off and I could feel the dust and smoke clinging to my skin as it descended.  
  
I could hear smaller explosions back in the direction of the compound. A siren was howling and I could see the haze surrounding me begin to glow a dull red.  
  
We'd just blown up half the suburb.  
  
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	2. Chapter 2

I'd blown them up.  
  
Twenty one city buildings. All residential areas within a 1.5 kilometer radius destroyed. Repercussions reaching up to an 8 kilometer radius. Gas, water and sewage pipelines affected. Telephone and electricity cables down. Blackouts in sections 13, 14, 26, 28 and 29.  
  
An estimated 5609 civilian casualties.  
  
Gundam Pilot.  
  
Five thousand six hundred and nine lives destroyed. Five thousand six hundred and nine people dead and they hadn't finished counting.   
  
And it was because of me.  
  
I closed the browser window, went through the shut down process, and slowly lowered the screen of my laptop until it latched shut.  
  
I don't even know that many people. I don't think I can actually comprehend it. It's...I racked my mind for something to compare it to, something....it's....five thousand metres, five thousand bolts, five thousand....  
  
The door burst open. I swung around, pulled my gun out, flicked the safety off and pointed it at the intruder before I could stop myself.  
  
He froze. Sort of.  
  
"Heero! Man, are you ok? Where've you been? Are you all right? You look like hell. We got Wu Fei patched up yesterday and Quatre woke up early in the morning but we were beginning to wonder if you'd managed to get yourself captured. We were about to go out looking for you." How did he talk so much? "Oi Heero! You're bleeding buddy. You'd better let me take a look." Five thousand guns. Five thousand doors. Five thousand words.  
  
I chuckled slightly.   
  
"Heero?"   
  
Five thousand buildings.   
  
Five thousand mobile suits. He walked towards me slowly holding out his hands.   
  
Five thousand people dead. How could he stand to be near me? Why wasn't he afraid?   
  
My finger tensed on the trigger as his hand closed over my own.  
  
Five thousand little girls and their dogs....  
  
I was vaguely aware of him talking, always talking as he led me to the bathroom, stripped me down and made me wash. Forcing me into some clothes, he bandaged my arm and stitched up the gash running along the back of my shoulder. He left. He came back. Down the stairs. Trowa appeared. Quatre with food. It made no sense. They were helping me as if I was worth more than a manufactured soldier. More than a set of successful scientific experiments. More than a sentient weapon.  
  
I was acting like some sissy who couldn't handle a bit of pain. I was weak. I was wrapped up in a blanket with a bowl of soup sitting on my knees.   
  
Where was the pain? Where was the punishment? What happened to the Perfect Soldier?  
  
I leapt up and threw the plate at the wall.  
  
Yeah, how perfect is that? I just murdered five thousand fucking people and left enough witnesses to populate a colony. Why hadn't I just killed the whole fucking lot of them. That would've made it Perfection.   
  
Fuck the Mission.  
  
Fuck J.  
  
Fuck the whole bloody lot of them.   
  
I'm not having them dancing around me like I'm some fragile, fucking lunatic who can't cope.  
  
I headed for the stairs. Duo tried to....No. Pilot 02 tried to stop me. I snarled at him and pushed past.  
  
You don't exist. You are nobody. You are nothing. Your only worth lies with your ability to comprehend and carry out the mission.   
  
You are the Perfect Soldier.  
  
And you will act like it. 


End file.
